Happy little monkeys
Today's blog title carries a lot of weight...literally and figuratively. It's been a hell of a year already and quite frankly I'm ready to be through 2009 just to say I survived it. Not that anything major has happened - it's just been the year of decisions - to start or to finish? That is the question.
I'm mostly hating this year because combined with turning 30 and a few other miscellaneous factors I've had somewhat of a mini-identity crisis. Shocker, right? Did I PLAN for this? Well, no, not really. I attained my goal of having 3 children by age 30 (Yes that really was planned) and you'd think I'd be psyched. I am, don't get me wrong, but after almost 4 years of just being a mommy I decided it wasn't enough. So with February and the big 30 approaching (not that that's old, I know), the stress of a newborn and hammering down new routines, being housebound for the winter and illness upon illness, I was feeling tired, sad, overwhelmed, and bored.
So spring came, my most dreaded season, and with it a lot of buzz from other women about similar feelings and doing something about them! How oddly convenient. Through blogs, chats/emails with friends, and even a night listening to an author speak about her book "On Not Becoming My Mother" things started clicking in my mind. The author talked about generations of women and how the housewife has evolved. How we now have the choice to work or not to work and what we do with that choice and how it's perceived. I know it's not my time to work outside the home. My kids are little and I understand they need me. What they don't need is a braindead mommy who feels useless because any skills sets I may have had are wasting away in a pile of unfolded laundry and a house full of endless clutter. I don't want to wait 10 years from now to start thinking about what I'm finally going to do with my life because I fear it will be too late. I'm a good procrastinator so it's not unlikely that I'll go from "my kids are little they need me to oh but who else will take them to x, y, and z???" when chauffer was never really my intended profession. I feel like a constant theme in my life is to think about things but never start them or start them but never finish them. I decided to start exploring some possibilities with the intent on seeing them through.
Decision #1 - Get in shape, seriously. There comes a time when Billy Blanks (god love ya!) and tae bo just aren't going to do it for me anymore. Not to say I've popped in a tape since Seth was born but still...it gets old. I'm a good 7lbs heavier than my normal nursing mommy weight which is a bit alarming but not shocking since we ate out a record 7 times in April (Eric 10 times not including a weekend away!) Our eating, not to mention drinking habits, have been a little out of whack lately. We used to lift weights semi-seriously when we lived in Okinawa mostly out of boredom and lots of time on our hands. It wasn't uncommon to spend 2 hours at the gym every day. I'd kill for 2 whole hours to do ANYTHING nowadays. Anyway, I kind of got into it and wanted to start up again now that all the kiddos have been birthed and I don't need to worry about losing hard-earned muscle due to pregnancy. Enter personal trainer - big decision #1. I'm a tad bit embarrassed to admit that I have one but I really don't think I can get into the kind of shape that I want to be in without some initial help. It's a 36 session deal and after that I have already mentally made the commitment to make this a lifelong thing.
**Interesting note about this post - I actually started writing it a month ago and never published it...kind of funny actually given the "start but never finish" and procrastinating theme...I've decided to just leave it as is and move on :) **
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